Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
