Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
