is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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