i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
