apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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