Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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