i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
