What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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