she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
