so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
