it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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