i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize