True but thats because hes a fetus.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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