have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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