I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
