Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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