plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
