Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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