I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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