Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
