well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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