Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
