can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
