I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
