the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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