i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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