Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mom said you looked used
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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