i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
