The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
