So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had sex on a roof
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
