Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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