"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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