She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
