so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
