OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
