I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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