hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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