I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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