We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
