he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize