you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
