This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
