I'm so fucking centered right now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
