youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
