i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
