oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
