The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
