I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
