Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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