Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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