so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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