You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
