My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize