Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
