dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
