Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
