I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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