He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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