If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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