On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
