Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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