Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
