She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
