I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
