I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
