You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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