I'm going to jail i love you
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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