I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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