dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
