she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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