woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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