Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
