I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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