awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
