So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
