3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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