"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize