Princesses don't give blow jobs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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