Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
