I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
