i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
