Im at strip club and am horny
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
