so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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