he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
