You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
