youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
