i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, beer. Big fan.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
