For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
