What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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