why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
