Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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