I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
