So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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