my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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