I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
