lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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