Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
