Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
