dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
