Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize