you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
