DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
